So today is better. Not that yesterday was horrible. It wasn’t. I was just being fussy. But today is filled with butterflies and giddy thoughts as tomorrow is birfday time! woot! The hubby has went shopping on his own a couple of times and has mentioned that he needs to go once more after work tomorrow before he comes home. That’s what I like to hear!! 
Though I feel badly because all I could come up with for him on his birthday was his goofy Knight Rider DVD’s. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t as my birthday last year was far from good with all of the drama that we had going on. I deserve a nice day this year!
Thursday we have an appt. at JCPenney to try and get the kids’ pics taken in their costumes and maybe get a new photo of Aubree by herself. I’ve waited longer than I had intended but I dread the studio thing so much. I just want at least one good shot after spending the $$ on costumes that they’ll probably wear for all of 10 minutes. We want to take them trick or treating but who knows how that will work. I’ve never been out on Halloween here so I’m not sure how many folks pass out candy in this complex. Then the neighbor acted like I was crazy when I told her I had planned to take them around here. What?! It’s not SAFE! Ok, whatever. She suggested the zoo as they have some sort of hoopla going on, but standing in line with a 1 & 2 yr old and paying $20 just to get some “free” candy isn’t my idea of fun. They won’t “get it” anyway. They probably won’t even both walk in the same direction for us.
Ahh.. and I need to keep reminding myself to make an appt at Picture People for our family photo. I really want to try and get in before the Christmas rush. I may even ask the hubby to take a day of leave so that we can do it on a weekday morning instead of fighting people in the afternoons/weekends. That would definitely help… I think. I can’t stand being around those Mommies with the perfectly groomed kids who act like little zombies, all well behaved and what not. Maybe I’m just jealous. 
I’d love to have kids who sit still, do what they’re told, and don’t make a peep when we’re out. But yeah, that’s SO not happening anytime soon.
So I woke this morning on the more grumptastic side of the bed and decided to jump on here and delete everything… but I didn’t. At least not yet. I’m tired of it. I’m sick to death of the blogging thing. Or maybe I’m just more sick of worrying about what people think even when I have this place locked up like fort knox. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not interesting enough, or not talented enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, not a good enough mother, motivated enough not..not.. you get it.
I’ll be 26 yrs old in two days and I still feel as if I’m in high school sometimes. Like I don’t belong. I don’t have a set place. I can’t even get on flickr without thinking that I don’t belong there. Like it’s only supposed to be for artsy fartsy photographer types and that my silly {crappy} photos of my kids are just polluting their air.
It’s not just blogging either. I’ve tried forums, message boards, chats.. whatever you want to call them. Nothing ever fits. I still feel like the loner. The one oddball of the bunch. I even tried a handbag forum recently and while totally amusing there was still a touch of .. uhh.. not being “enough”. I can’t afford one Louis Vuitton, let alone 6 of them as some have. There’s a specific section for Coach collectors but those gals are way more crazy (read: in debt) than I ever want to be. So I just end up feeling lame with my small collection.
Ahh.. I dunno. Oh well. I’ll just keep trying to be the best “me” ever I suppose. Whether or not I stay online, only time will tell.
And one more thing … I went through and deleted a lot of users. I may have accidentally deleted “ok” people, but I wasn’t paying attention. When I was going through all of that crap a year ago, I had a lot more people reading. In a rubber necking, look at that gruesome car wreck sort of way. I guess I was way more entertaining when my life was in chaos mode. But now that it’s calmed way down, those people don’t gawk as much. Thank goodness. It’s a blessing I suppose. I’d rather have two readers who care than 100 people who only read so that they can feel better about their own lives. You know? 
Will now says “nigh nigh” (night night) when you ask him if he wants to go to bed. Then he runs to his room/crib all by himself. Talk about easy!! I wish his sister would get on the “bedtime rocks” train. lol
he said “baby”! Not just a mumble/babble but an actual CLEAR word like the rest of us.
Oh, and he’s got another tooth coming in. I’m not one of those Mom’s who ‘ll pull out a chart and name it off (uhh.. I don’t have THAT much time on my hands) but it’s way in the back. I wouldn’t have expected one of those to be coming in, but cool for him. It’ll help his chomp when he bites us, which he loves to do. He finds it hilarious when we scream in pain. Love him!
I could probably go on and on about him lately. He’s doing so much and starting to be such a smarty pants. But I just don’t have the time. My gosh I have a list 2 ft long today that I need to try and accomplish. Sometimes I feel as if I’ll never have enough time/energy/brain power to get everything done. Oh and then there’s the pure motivation issue. I need to make an appt for the kids to have their portraits done in their costumes. Have I? Nope. That would mean I’d have to dress them up and deal with the stress of forcing fake smiles and all. ugh. I’d also like to get Aubree’s photos done again and this is the family portrait time of year for us and unfortunately all of the other mofo’s in this town seem to do the same come fall/winter *arrgh*. So now I’m also shopping online like a mad woman, trying to pull something together outfit wise. I think I may have figured it out, but still. blah, stress, blah.
And just when I think I have 5 minutes to maybe blog, ramble a bit, etc.. I smell a dirty diaper. So yeah! So much for that, huh?! Time to put on my hazmat suit. blech. Everyone always told me that I’d be sooooo ok with my own kids poop. Right. Not happening. 2.5 years and STILL not something I am cool with doing.
We went out “looking” for an armoire for our television and what not. Looking never ends at that. So yeah, we bought one. Along with a couple of matching side tables since I’m picky and a cherry armoire would look like crud with the cheap ikea ones we have now. I’m excited because we’ve been talking about it for a long time. Our current unit is just too big. It takes up an entire wall and I’m tired of it. Plus the television sits low and the kiddos manage to rub all sorts of goo and food on it daily. I’ll be glad to not have to break out the windex so often as it won’t be accessible to them anymore. The dvd’s will have to be moved and that will also help with them being out of the kid’s reach. Oh and it’s interest free for over a year. I love those deals. I’ll pay it off in no time, but still. The only challenges now are figuring out how we’ll store the 300+ dvd’s as the armoire doesn’t have THAT much room for storage. *sighs* Oh and then getting rid of the old unit/tables. I made sure the delivery date is set waaaaay in advance (11/1) so we’ll have plenty of time, but still. yuck. I’m hoping maybe I can find someone in our community who needs one. It’s sad to see how people live in apartments sometimes. Especially the single military guys or couples just starting out. Seriously, can we say milk crate furniture?! lol I remember those days! Ray had the crappiest, most boring furniture when I stormed into his life. He’s SO lucky to have such a high maintenance broad like myself now. lol
ETA: a catalog photo for now …
We bought the little movie buff a copy of Curious George and The Little Mermaid. Secretly I had hoped she’d fall in love with The Little Mermaid as I did when I was a kid and then we could watch it over and over again together. Did she? Nope. Instead she’s hooked on that damn monkey. She calls him “ah ah” as in “ooh ooh ah ah” you know, like a monkey, not like porn. heh
Oh well. Whatever makes her happy. She’s our cinema girl. The boy has yet to watch much tv at all in his nearly 13 months. He could care less. Too funny how two kids from the same womb can be so very different personality wise.
I finally had the time to ‘decorate’ for the season. Refresh if you aren’t seeing it. I’ve switched themes about 6 times in the last 24 hrs. lol
My free Senseo coffee maker came today! So that was a totally legit freebie for anyone who may have doubted it or hesitated. I actually already have one of those so this one will be a great backup or a gift later on. Can’t beat free!
The Eddie Bauer site is sooooo sloooooow right now that I should have my sweater ordered by mid-afternoon. OMFG. grrr. It’s a good thing the kids are being really quiet and well behaved.
And is it horribly sad that I’m buying my new fall clothes in colors that will match the bag I bought in June? I’m just so in lust with it. I don’t want to have to switch bags too often. lol
I broke down and bought the kiddos Halloween costumes. I didn’t want to really as they’ll MAYBE sit still for a pic, but that’s it unless we decide to try trick or treating. I’m leaning heavily on the trick or treat idea as it’s free candy, baby! I used to drag my brothers out to trick or treat when we were kids. I may have been a fat kid, but damn did I have stamina if you waved candy in my face. lol No, really I just love Halloween. I think it comes with being born only 6 days before.
So I decided on Aubree being an angel and Will is going to be a little devil. So very personality appropriate for them. heh It’s hard having two kids because I insist on themes. I couldn’t take a monkey and a frog out or something. They have to match.
